Like It Once Was
by RabbitHole26
Summary: Hanna knows that the biggest thing she ever lost was Emily Fields. Not that she ever really had her. It was complicated. Just like everything else in life, Hanna thinks.
1. always, I remember you

**Hey guys. This story is ultimately Hannily (duhhhh). While I can't promise how many chapters this story will have, it will be multi-chapter. As always reviews are welcome and much appreciated!**

**XXX**

Graduating from high school was always one of those things that had been looming in the distance for so long that it seemed like it would never happen. At least that's how it felt to Hanna Marin, but here she is sitting among three hundred Rosewood seniors, waiting to get her diploma. The class valedictorian, some dude she's never seen or spoken to before, is rambling on and on for his extensive speech. He's talking about all of the loss that everyone is experiencing leaving Rosewood for college. Hanna rolls her eyes, as if anyone sitting here has experienced real loss, at least anyone besides her and her friends.

Over the past few years they had lost so much, every single one of them. She thinks about it all, the entire Ali saga, but Hanna knows that the biggest thing she lost was Emily Fields. Not that she ever really had her. It was complicated. Just like everything else in life, Hanna thinks.

...

It was one of those things it had taken her a long time to realize. Emily had always been her rock, and they were undoubtedly closer to each other than they were to Spencer and Aria. No matter who they dated, they were always still each other's priority and Hanna liked it that way. When Alison came back, it all started to change. The entire group dynamic was evolving, it wasn't just four girls anymore, it was five again. It wasn't like how it used to be either, which was the strangest part. Alison had changed and it took a lot of convincing before any of the girls accepted this. She didn't act like their leader; she acted like their equal. She acted like she cared and she acted like she valued their happiness over her own.

It was weird, but welcome.

Emily's feelings for Ali ended up being the elephant in the room for some time, since she had broken up with Paige and her and Ali seemed to be getting along very well. None of the other girls wanted to bring it up though, for fear that Emily would be annoyed or embarrassed. However, Hanna got too curious one night and she just _had_ to know, so when she was alone with Em, she asked her.

"I don't know. I don't think those feelings ever fully went away. It was all kind of unresolved when she disappeared. She seems different. But I don't know how she feels about me. How she really feels, at least," Emily replied.

"Are you going to do anything about it?" Hanna had questioned.

"No. It's up to her now. I made my move 3 years ago."

Two weeks later Alison made her move. Three weeks later and she was publically dating Emily. Hanna didn't leave her room for that entire week.

...

Hanna tunes back into the valedictorians speech for a second and when she turns to her right she see's Aria, at the end of her row, looking at her.

"You okay?" the brunette mouths.

Hanna unconvincingly nods her head in reply.

Once the ceremony is over, her and Aria look for the others in the crowd. They spot Emily and Alison, holding hands with their diplomas clutched to their chests, and the two girls walk over to join them. A few minutes later and Spencer comes running over, parents in tow.

"Guys, they want a picture of all of us wearing our college sweatshirts. Please just amuse them," Spencer mutters as she motions to her parents behind her.

Mrs. Hastings has a huge bag with her and she starts passing out sweatshirts to each of the girls. Spencer's says "UPenn", Aria's says "Columbia", Alison's says "University of Florida", and Hanna doesn't even want to look at Emily's.

Hanna just wants to go home and steal some of her moms Xanax, or be literally anywhere else than right here, because she's about to be reminded that her and Emily are going to the same school. Hollis. Alone.

Because Hanna thought that going there for a year to figure out what the hell she wants to do with her life was a good idea, and then Emily decided to go there and live at home, for financial reasons, and at the time Hanna had been excited, because at the time, Emily wasn't with Ali. Emily wasn't with anyone.

But instead Hanna puts on the sweatshirt, takes the picture, smiles like she means it, and then she's gone.

The other girls don't seem to notice that she disappeared, and when they do they try to call, but she ignores every single one of them.

...

"Describe your relationship with Emily."

Hanna rolls her eyes almost instantly. God, she hates therapy. It was court mandated after the policy force finally caught onto the whole "A" thing, and once they_ finally_ pieced everything together, they ended up not charging any of the girls with the various crimes they had committed, intentionally and unintentionally, over the years. The catch was, they all _had _to go to counseling. Separately. In one of Hanna's first sessions with her therapist, Dr. Shannon, she had said that Emily was her closest friend out of the group, which had ended up being a mistake since she now avoided talking about the swimmer at all costs. Today, Dr. Shannon apparently wanted to know why that was.

"I don't know. We're friends?" Hanna shrugs.

"You said you were the closest to her out of the rest of the girls." Dr. Shannon continues, fiddling with the pen in her hands.

"Yeah, well we were."

"Were? Why the past tense?"

"I don't know. She's dating Ali now so we don't talk as much."

"Does that bother you?"

"That she's dating Ali?"

"No, that you don't talk as much."

Hanna is silent for a moment before responding, "Oh. Nope."

Dr. Shannon raises her eyebrows, unconvinced by her response, so the blonde continues, "I mean it was kind of annoying at first, I guess, but I don't care."

"Andit _doesn't _bother you that she's _dating _Ali then?"

"No. It doesn't bother me."

Lie. Blatant lie. But for whatever reason, Dr. Shannon lets it go this time and she doesn't ask anything else about Emily. They talk about classes starting in the next few weeks and just like that, their time is up. The second Hanna is out the office door, she pulls out the flask that's hidden in her purse and chugs.

One second, two seconds, three seconds, four. She puts it back. The burn feels good.

...

Aria is the first to go. She has a quiet goodbye dinner with her family at her favorite vegan restaurant, and then she invites the girls over to help her pack her final bag. They reminisce on the past four years until it's late, and Aria's mom pokes her head in the door and tells the girls they should probably get going.

"Spence, can you drop me off?" Hanna asks, grabbing her bag as she stands up.

"Oh, I would, but I'm actually going to sleep here and help Aria load up the car in the morning," Spencer replies.

Hanna frowns, but gives Spencer and Aria a hug before she follows Emily and Alison out of Aria's room, closing the door behind her.

"We can drop you off," Alison says over her shoulder to Hanna as she walks into the bathroom down the hall, "I'll meet you guys downstairs."

There is nothing in the world that sounds more painful to Hanna at that moment than having to sit in the car with Emily and Ali, even for five minutes, while they hold hands in the front seat and act adorable together.

Once her and Emily are outside, she turns to the swimmer, "I think I'm just going to walk. I'll see you guys later."

A concerned look washes over Emily's face and Hanna almost laughs at how genuine it seems.

"Are you sure? It's no big deal, it's on the way to Ali's" the brunette says.

"I need the air," Hanna mutters before turning and starting down the sidewalk. She feels a hand softly grab her arm, and she turns back to her friend.

"Are you okay? I mean, is something going on? You haven't been yourself lately," Emily says in a quiet tone, her eyes searching the blonde's for an answer. It's almost enough to make Hanna crack and spill her heart out right then and there, but her mind tells her to be smarter than that.

"I'm fine, just tired."

Emily doesn't say anything, and Hanna hears Aria's door shut, signaling that Alison is ready to go.

"I worry about you, Han." Emily says, even quieter than before and Hanna replies in the same tone.

"Don't."

She doesn't say it in a bitter way, she says it with honesty and she see's the worry in Emily's brown eyes grow. Hanna just turns to start heading home and in the distance she hears Ali ask Emily where she's going. So, she picks up her pace.

...

Alison is the next to go. Hanna silently thanks whoever does the scheduling down in Florida that they had her start school before Spencer, so she didn't have to be stuck in Rosewood with _just_ Emily and Ali, even for a week. In true Alison fashion she has a huge party, the complete opposite of Aria's quiet departure. Hanna goes with Spencer, and they spend the first couple of hours mingling with parents and retelling the same speech about where they are going to school and what they plan to study.

Then suddenly it's late enough in the evening that the parents are too tipsy to notice, or care, that the kids have started breaking into the alcohol too. Hanna cracks another beer as she stands in the backyard, watching random kids from their graduating class stumble around, laughing, carefree.

"Don't you think maybe you should slow down a little bit? I don't think Mr. DiLaurentis will want to carry you out of here," Spencer says with a slight smirk as she walks up to the blonde.

"I hope that greeting isn't how you plan on making friends at school," Hanna replies, taking a huge gulp of beer. She's looking across the yard at Alison, who is talking to group of people, while subconsciously leaning back into Emily, who has one arm wrapped around her girlfriend, and another holding her drink.

"Are you going to be okay once I leave? I mean is it going to be weird...it just being you and Emily again?" Spencer says, clearly noticing where Hanna's gaze is falling.

"Why would it be weird?" She's trying to play it off, but she knows Spencer knows her better than that.

"I'm not oblivious Hanna. Do you want me to say it out loud?"

"No."

"They won't last. It's college you know." Spencer doesn't say it to be mean, she says it because she's Spencer and being brutally honest has always been her thing.

"It doesn't matter. Even if she was single she wouldn't be looking at me anyways." Hanna mumbles.

There's a comfortable silence between the two of them before the blonde speaks again.

"Am I really that obvious?"

"No. Neither of them notice," Spencer nods in the direction of the couple, "and Aria doesn't either, if that makes you feel any better. It's been a hard year on all of us, they think that's the only thing you're dealing with."

"Good. Lets keep it that way."

...

Emily starts texting and calling her now that Alison is gone and at first it pisses Hanna off, until she looks at her "missed calls" list, looks at her previous text history with Emily, and realizes that the girl has been calling her all along. It's in that moment that finally hits Hanna that she's been _ignoring _Emily. Blatantly. She hasn't realized that she didn't respond to nearly any of the brunette's attempts to reach out over the past few months, and so she tells herself to get the hell over this jealousy complex before she loses one of the best friends she's ever had.

So Hanna hits "call" and invites Emily to hang out with her and Spencer at The Brew. Maybe she was imagining it, but Emily sounded pretty damn happy that she called.

...

At first when Spencer brings up Alison while they are sipping on their coffees, Hanna wants to strangle her, but then Spencer shoots her a look. A look that tells Hanna she's asking Emily all of the questions that the blonde wants answers to but will never ask herself.

"Does Ali like Florida so far?"

"Yeah, she loves it, she say's its amazing," Emily replies, surprisingly without a hint of sorrow in her voice.

"So you two are..." Spencer continues.

"Doing long distance. I guess. For now."

"For now?" Hanna interjects, which earns her a smirk from Spencer.

"I mean, I'm not stupid. I know how hard it is and I know the chances of it working out aren't great, but it seemed too unrealistic to just cut each other off without even trying."

Spencer nods silently, understanding, before Emily continues.

"I just hope if...when...it does end, it wont be too bad. I don't want to screw up our entire friend group."

Spencer lets out a chuckle, "We will all always be friends, Em, but we are going to make new friends too. It wouldn't be life or death if it were to end badly. Our dynamic is going to change anyways."

Hanna thinks on her words and it is weird, really, because life how they have known it is over. They are all going to be separated now and start completely different lives. It's never going to be the same after this. Not really, anyway.

...

Spencer's quiet departure mimics Aria's, except she says goodbye to Emily and Hanna separately. It hits Hanna that she's really going to miss having someone around who actually knows what's going on in her head, and she's not sure how she's going to handle it when Spencer leaves. When they finally hug goodbye, Hanna hangs on tightly, not wanting to let go, not wanting to be alone with this again. Spencer finally breaks them apart and looks directly into her friend's eyes.

"Promise me you'll go easy on the vodka. And the meds."

"I'll try," Hanna replies, unconvincingly, "see you at Christmas?"

"Take care of yourself."

And just like that, Spencer's gone too.


	2. slow down so I can follow you

"How was your first week of class?"

Another week, another session with Dr. Shannon.

"Fine I guess. I'm glad it's the weekend though."

"Big plans?" Dr. Shannon asks without even looking up from her notepad.

"Nothing crazy. Emily and I are going to some party."

"So you two are getting along better?"

"We were never _not _getting along so..." Hanna trails off, picking her split ends, clearly bored with the conversation.

"Who's having the party?"

"Some of the swimmers on the club team. I think."

"I worry about your partying tendencies, Hanna," Dr. Shannon glances at Hanna's purse, as if she knows there is _always_ a flask hidden in the bottom.

Hanna laughs, "It's more like a small get together. It's fine. I doubt anyone will even be drinking."

...

Hanna's in the kitchen of some beat up campus house, clinking her shot glass against two others, which belong to the guys that she has just befriended, Travis and Luke.

"Bottoms up!" Travis booms, before they all throw the shots back in unison. Hanna slams her glass back on the counter and looks at the time on her phone.

"Okay, as much as I appreciate you sharing with me, I promised Emily a new beer, like, thirty minutes ago."

"Emily?" Luke questions, raising his eyebrows with a hopeful smile.

Hanna rolls her eyes, "Yes, Emily, my best friend in the whole world. I'll be back."

She grabs two beers out of the fridge and makes her way back towards the front of the house, weaving her way through the crowd. She spots Emily across the room, talking to some random brunette. A ping of jealousy passes through Hanna but the alcohol from those shots start to take effect and the moment passes. Surprisingly, she thinks about Alison. Would she feel threatened if she were seeing this? Is Ali chatting up other people like this right now too? How long are her and Emily really going to be able to hold onto each other?

Hanna is snapped out of her thoughts when she see's that Emily has ditched the other chick and is making her way over to her. Emily's got a red cup half filled with something that resembles punch, but that doesn't prevent her from questioning Hanna.

"Where have you been? I was promised that beer a_ long_ time ago."

"My apologies. I met some friendly boys who were so kind as to share their vodka." Hanna cracks Emily's beer and pours it into the cup the girl is holding.

"Cheers."

"Who knew swimmers were so wild," Hanna observes, taking in the sweaty mess of people surrounding them, dancing.

"Well, it is the club team. They get to be more fun," Emily replies, before looking down at her phone, "Shit, it's almost two. We should get a cab soon."

"We? Are you trying to take me home, Fields?"

"You caught me. But seriously, since my mom is gone you should stay over. You know I hate being alone in that house."

Hanna chugs her drink, throws the can on the floor, and holds her hand out, "lead the way."

Emily takes her hand and leads her through the crowd, finding the front door and getting them out of the party. Hanna's missed this. She knows they are both drunk but she's missed this playful banter that her and Emily always had. She's missed just spending time with the other girl.

They get to Emily's house and stumble in, making their way upstairs. Hanna immediately ransacks the brunette's closet, looking for clothes to sleep in, and Emily changes into sweats before collapsing on her bed.

"I had fun tonight, Han. I missed you."

"Me too," Hanna pulls a 'Rosewood Swim Team' t-shirt over her head and turns around to face her friend.

"Did I do something to piss you off?" Emily continues, "You were kind of MIA there for awhile."

"No, you didn't do anything, Em. I just get caught up in my thoughts."

Emily lets out an exaggerated groan, "I hate not knowing what's going on in your pretty little head. It's the worst feeling."

Emily is slurring pretty hard now and Hanna knows she's about to pass out, so she doesn't reply. Instead she turns off the light and gets into the bed, throwing the covers over Emily and closes her eyes. Just before she passes out, Hanna realizes this is probably the first time ever that she's been a happy drunk. She knows it's because of Emily and she hates that.

...

When Hanna wakes up to the sun streaming into the room, she turns over and sees that Emily is awake, phone in hand, looking rough. She's still beautiful, but Hanna can tell she's hungover. Emily looks over at her when she senses her movement.

"Hey."

"Hey," Hanna mutters back, her headache now apparent.

Emily is looking at her intently, serious, and Hanna's stomach starts doing flips because, for a second, it looks like the girl is about to say something profound.

Instead, when she speaks, she says one word.

"Waffles?"

Hanna starts laughing, and then so does Emily, and soon the two of them are in an uncontrollable fit of giggles. God, Hanna has _missed _that sound. When they finally calm down Hanna responds simply.

"Waffles."

...

It's so easy to fall into a routine with Emily again and Hanna wonders if she will ever find someone else who it's this simple with.

They get lunch together on campus every Tuesday and Thursday, and they go out together on the weekends. Whoever Hanna's roommate was supposed to be never shows up, so Emily takes her place every Friday and Saturday night, and has some of her clothes moved into the _one _drawer that Hanna had left in the other dresser. Emily was quick to point out that if she had a real roommate she would have had to downsize her wardrobe, but Hanna just shrugs and ignores her.

The free time that Emily doesn't spend with Hanna, she spends with the club swim team, so Hanna decides she needs a hobby too. When she runs into Travis from the welcome weekend party, he persuades her to join him at film club every week. Hanna figures she is perfectly capable of watching a movie and listening to people talk about it, so she goes. It helps that Travis always brings some sort of liquor in a water bottle, and they sit in the back row drinking and whispering about whatever the screening is that week. Spencer would be proud, though, because Hanna doesn't steal pills from her mom anymore and she's not drinking everyday, or alone, so that has to count for something right?

It helps that Emily almost never mentions Ali, and while that's probably weird, Hanna just can't be the bigger person and ask if everything is okay between them, mostly because she doesn't _want _to know.

But one day when Emily is visibly upset after reading a text, probably from the blonde in Florida, Hanna knows she_ has _to ask.

"Everything okay?"

"Just the same old shit, you know," Emily mumbles in response.

"Not really. Fill me in?"

Emily hesitates for a moment but Hanna's eyes urge her to continue.

"I thought I got over the trust issues I had with Alison, but every time she goes out to some frat party and doesn't text me back until the next morning, I just... I don't trust her. I sound like a psycho girlfriend don't I?" Emily sighs.

"No, you don't. It's hard being with someone that far away. Especially during college."

Hanna means what she says. It is hard. She remembers when she tried to do long distance with Caleb and how they didn't even last three months, but going their separate ways before they ended up hating each other was the best thing for both of them.

"It just makes me remember how she treated me, before she disappeared, and this makes me feel the same way. How am I supposed to be with someone I don't trust?" Emily continues.

As much as Hanna would love to completely side with Emily, encourage her to dump Ali in that moment, she knows it wouldn't be right.

"I'm not saying that you don't have your issues to work out, but she loves you, Em. We can all see it. She loves you the best way she knows how."

Emily nods slowly, considering her words.

"I know. But maybe that's not enough. Was it hard to let go of Caleb?"

Hanna considers this.

"Yes and no. He will always be in my heart, but it wasn't working. We just weren't compatible, you know, for the long haul. We couldn't be what the other needed anymore."

"And you're over it now? Like completely over him?" Emily questions, seemingly skeptical that it was so easy for the blonde.

"Yeah. I really, really am."

Hanna smiles when she says it because god, imagining a world where she was still hanging onto Caleb would be a world without these feelings for Emily, and even though they are one-sided, they make her feel alive.


	3. such a fearless soul

Hanna knew that her newfound happiness was too good to be true and it soon faded the minute that everyone came home for Thanksgiving. More specifically, the moment that Alison came home. Hanna felt guilty for being upset that her _friend _was back, but now Emily was going to be spending the entire week draped over the other blonde and she hates that. She knows it's completely irrational, but if she was able to turn off her feelings she would have done that a long time ago.

She goes home for the week to spend time with her mom, Spencer, and Aria, but first she makes Travis get her enough alcohol to deal with everything. She manages to avoid seeing everybody together, until Thanksgiving eve, when Spencer invites the girls to come over, have dinner and stay the night, just like old times. It's one thing to _know_ that Emily is unavailable, but it's another thing to _see_ it right in front of her face. Hanna opens her mother's medicine cabinet for the first time in three months that night.

She parks her car outside of Spencer's, pops two pills into her mouth, and pulls out the bottle Travis gave her.

One shot, two shots, three shots, four.

She thinks that when this all his her in thirty minutes, she still wont be drunk enough to deal, so she empties half a bottle of diet coke and fills the rest back up with vodka. Hanna puts both bottles back in her purse and gets out of the car.

Spencer's mother and father have friends over too and they are doing an impromptu "wine tasting" in the kitchen when Hanna walks in, so she finds the girls sitting in the living room. Hanna greets the girls with a half-hearted wave and sits down in the only empty space on the couch, which is next to Alison. If she wasn't already buzzed, she might have thought it was weird that Emily wasn't sitting there, but in a chair across from Spencer instead.

...

Aria's telling stories about the cute guys she's met in art class, Spencer is talking about how she's thinking about joining fencing club, but is worried that she wont have the time to study, and Ali is talking about the amazing beach party she went to last weekend. As soon as Ali starts her story, Hanna is trying to contain herself, because she's _feeling _those shots from the car. Like, really feeling them. She promptly pulls her bottle of "diet coke" out from her purse and sips on it slowly.

"Girls, dinner is ready," Mrs. Hastings calls out from the kitchen.

When Hanna doesn't get up with the rest of the group, Spencer walks over to her with a curious look on her face.

"Are you not eating?"

Hanna smirks, "Why eat my calories when I can drink them?"

Yeah, she's that drunk.

"_Hanna_," Spencer hisses, snatching the bottle out of the blonde's hands, "what the hell is wrong with you?"

"You know exactly what's wrong with me."

Emily must have noticed something was off because all of the sudden she's next to them, looking back and forth from Spencer to Hanna, a confused expression on her face.

"Emily. Get her up to my room, _now_, before my parents notice," Spencer barks before rushing back into the kitchen.

Emily drags Hanna up the stairs and whisks her into Spencer's bedroom, closing the door behind them. The blonde slumps down onto the bed and just stares blankly at her friend.

"I thought we were past this," the brunette says, hurt in her voice.

"Past what?" Hanna mumbles.

"You shutting me out. You drinking alone."

"Guess not."

Emily just looks at her for a minute, and the look on her face is one that Hanna hasn't seen before. She doesn't recognize it.

"Please just tell me what's going on. You're the most important person in my life."

Hanna laughs out loud at this and Emily looks _pissed._

"Wrong person, Em. Alison's downstairs."

"I don't have the wrong person, I'm serious. You mean more to me than anyone."

"Fuck off," Hanna says with such bitterness in her voice that she even surprises herself.

"Han, I'm trying to tell you something."

Before Emily can say another word, the door whips open and a very pissed off Spencer comes in.

"Alison needs you. She needs to get in your car or something," Spencer snaps at Emily.

"Give me a minute, I'm trying to help Hanna."

"I don't need you, Emily. I never needed you," the blonde is almost yelling now, with such venom in her voice that even Spencer looks taken aback. Emily's face drops and she just stands there for a minute, speechless. Eventually, without a word, she walks out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.

"Don't," Hanna silences Spencer before she can say anything.

"Just go to bed, Hanna. Sleep it off."

...

"Your mother is worried about you, you know."

Hanna is entirely too hungover to deal with a Dr. Shannon session today, but she had no excuse to blow it off. After her "incident" at Spencer's two nights ago it's not like anyone is talking to her.

"Do you call her with updates now? Is that even legal?" Hanna sarcastically replies.

"No, I don't. She called me," Dr. Shannon calmly continues, "so why the alcohol and drugs lately? You've been coming here for months and you still wont talk about what's _really _bothering you. I'm not here to judge, I'm here to help."

She's right. Hanna knows that this woman has always seen right through her. What's the point in lying anymore? Hanna knows that she wont – cant – tell anyone anything that she says. Maybe if she just talks about it out loud, everything that she's been feeling, maybe it will make her feel a little better. Maybe.

"I love her."

Hanna says it so quietly that Dr. Shannon almost misses it.

"Who?"

"Emily."

The therapist looks like she gets it now.

"Romantically?"

"Yeah."

"Does she know?"

"No."

A comfortable silence lingers as Dr. Shannon puts down her pen and paper for the first time, ever, during a session with Hanna. She continues the conversation, "So _does _seeing her with Alison bother you?"

A sad smirk appears on Hanna's face as she responds, "Alison DiLaurentis has always been everything I _can never _and _will never _be. And she loves her too. I never had a chance."

...

Hanna steps outside of the office and is digging through her purse, searching for a pair of sunglasses, when she hears someone call her name. It's Alison, who is sitting on a bench near the park. The universe has such ridiculous timing, she thinks to herself. Hanna feels obligated to say hi to her so she jogs across the street and sits down next to the other girl, who turns to face her.

"Hey. Your mom told me where you were, I hope that's okay."

"You were looking for me? I thought you were all pissed at me."

Alison smirks and it seems genuine, "I wasn't mad at you, but you didn't say anything to me. I wanted to say goodbye before I head back to school. Dad's picking me up soon."

Hanna looks over at the girl sitting next to her and realizes it's the first time in a long time she's actually _looked _at her. She's spent so much time avoiding her that she never noticed how _different_ she looks. Ali's hair is pulled up in a ponytail, she's not wearing any makeup besides a dab of cover-up that's on a zit near her chin, and she looks tired. The old Ali would have never dared to let anyone see her like this, let alone be out in public like this, and Hanna thinks that maybe she's been way too hard on her. The person in front of her doesn't look like the flawless queen bee that she remembers, and then she remembers that Alison has actually been through a lot over the years. They all have.

Alison looks like she's trying to say something, but she isn't quite sure how to say it. Hanna can't remember ever seeing the girl look unsure about anything, which is what makes it so genuine. Finally, after a moment of silence, she speaks.

"You know I love Emily, right? She was never a game to me, not really, and I never wanted to hurt her. I still don't want to hurt her. Ever. It's just hard, being apart. Going in different directions."

Hanna's confused. She's never talked to Alison one-on-one, seriously, about any of her relationships, with anyone, ever.

"Yeah, I know. Why are you telling me this?" She questions, and she doesn't say it in a mean tone, she's just honestly curious.

"I've always been kind of jealous of you," Alison says, and she doesn't seem to acknowledge what Hanna asked, but then again Ali has never been good at directly answering questions, "You were always beautiful, inside and out, and I never had that. I wasn't a good person, especially back then, but you were. That's why I gave you so much shit about your weight, I didn't want you to think you were a threat to me. Because you were. It sounds stupid, saying it out loud now."

"Ali, I don't understand what you're talking about," Hanna replies.

A car pulls up and honks and Hanna see's Mr. DiLaurentis waving at her through the window. Alison stands up, as does Hanna, and the girl pulls her into a big hug. They break apart and before Alison opens the car door, she says one more thing.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're a great person and you deserve to find someone equally as amazing. And when you find them, I will be so happy for you. No matter who it is. You deserve it Hanna, never think that you don't. I'll see you later."

With that, Ali gets into the black SUV and disappears from view, leaving a confused Hanna with her thoughts.


End file.
